did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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