I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize