I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
