I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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