if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
