Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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