Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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