I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize