sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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