Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think your dad took our porno
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
