hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
