Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
