oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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