I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
