as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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