Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
