Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
