Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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