I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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