i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
