if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
