Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
