You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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