alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found your dick twin last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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