things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
