Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
