I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
