He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
