Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
