since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm like, not good at living.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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