Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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