All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
