Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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