This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
