I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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