This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
