You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
