Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
