i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
