I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
