My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize