now i know why i became what i already was.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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