Got a toothbrush?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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