12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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