I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
