If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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