We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
