How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
