How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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