I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
