he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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