So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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