I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
