I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
