So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
