I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
