I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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