I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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