you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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