i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
