3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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